To all final year students,
This memo confirms the arrangements for the practical assessment. Please read it carefully, and then read it again, and then sit quietly and think about what you have done.
Date and time
The exam will take place on the final Friday of term, between 9:00 AM and noon. Late arrivals will be admitted but will be seated beside the stove, which is warm and loud.
Format
The exam consists of three tasks.
- Task one: prepare a fish dish of your choice, to be judged for flavour
- Task two: prepare a sauce, to be judged for texture and attitude
- Task three: prepare a dish from a mystery basket, to be judged for survival
The mystery basket
The basket will contain four ingredients. Last year’s basket contained a trout, a lemon, a bag of flour and a small plastic duck. The duck was not a trap, but several students treated it as one. Marks were lost.
The cucumber
This year, the basket will contain a cucumber. It will be placed in the room without warning, at an unannounced moment. Students will be assessed on their reaction. A calm response earns full marks. A leap of more than one metre earns a pass. A leap into the stock pot earns a special award for passion.
Invigilators
The exam will be monitored by Dean Mittens, Professor Simmers and a retired kitchen scales named Ferdinand, who has been awarded an honorary role. Please do not speak to Ferdinand. He is very shy.
Permitted items
- A clean apron
- A steady paw
- A sense of dignity
Prohibited items
- Notes written on the paw
- Fish hidden in the hat
- A friend
We do not test what you know. We test what you do when you are frightened.
Results
Results will be posted on the door within a week. Those who pass will be invited to the graduation. Those who fail will be invited to the graduation too, since the buffet is paid for.
Good luck, and good appetite.
Dean E. Mittens.
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